right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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