It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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