i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
