Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
