True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The beer is more important than you right now.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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