I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
