i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was confusing and full of hummus
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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