i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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