Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
