Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
