New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
