All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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