Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
