When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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