And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize