Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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