The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
