I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think i just lost a toe
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
