I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
