he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize