I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
