I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Less talking, more tequila
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
