sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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