youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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