I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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