end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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