found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
