Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
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I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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