I think i peed on brittanys purse
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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