I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
