Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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