How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
