whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
