Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
