Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
