I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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