We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
