I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
