Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
