I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize