Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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