Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
