dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
