Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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