I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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