i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
