well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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