No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
