lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
