his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
