He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
