Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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