she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
