Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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