just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
