I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
