So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
