Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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