U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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