What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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