I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
