I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sponge bath it is.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
