i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize