An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
